Drugged Up Dope Books: Jerry the Hamster

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It is available for free only until Sunday 18th March, no strings attached. Just follow the link below. Marc Gunn is a rhythm and folk musician inspired by Celtic culture, science fiction, fantasy, and cats. Innovative and award-winning Celtic Roots band, Runa draw on the diverse musical backgrounds of its band members and offer a modern, referential and refreshing approach to traditional and more recently composed Celtic material.

The show will begin at GMT. So be sure to tune in and join the ever growing ranks of RUNAtics! Together they have set the Irish folk music scene alight and will continue to I am sure with the release of Ten. Music that not only takes in the other Celtic nations but also their adopted home on the other side of the Atlantic. Thought to have originated in the southern United States in the 19th century it is perhaps most famous for its recording by the legendary Planxty in Usually sang as a solo but not always, here Runa tell the all too common story of hardworking working class folk losing it all.

Slow and mournful and a superb way to end things. Runa have an amazing way of interpreting work and with the songs here ranging from centuries old to modern times the selection is as varied as you could wish for while still having Runa stamped all the way through it like a stick of seaside rock. It is no wonder that Runa are well received everywhere they go and their reputation as one of the best and inventive folk bands of this modern era is well deserved. Released tomorrow on Musical Bear Records.

Seems like only yesterday it was in fact last December! Formed in Dorset in they have rapidly become firm favourites on the south coast music festival scene in a relatively short time. I saw them on the bill at Cursus festival last year and as infectiously fun and lovable as anyone who played that weekend. In the olden days it was Demo tapes and these days its the internet that introduces us to bands we may never see.

So as you can see they have been tremendously busy racking up more releases than most bands twice their age. As you can see from the band picture ten members can certainly kick out a novel and engaging sound. Its got a certain country swing to it alongside the gentle folky base. Lead vocalist Mark describes the song. I would honestly believe I was Owen Meany or the next Bilbo Baggins, escaping reality through literature. At nearly four minutes the track is given a good chance to develop and is a great slice of folky pop music.

A clever song with clever lyrics that is the kind of love song that only couples will be able to relate to. Catchy as hell with that abundance of sounds coming out at you from every direction. American bluegrass butts heads with quaint auld English folk. Perfectly produced as you can hear every contribution to the song which tells of the various band members anger at the singers constant search for perfection.

A dark tale of hate and murder. The Two Man Travelling Medicine Show are quintessentially a English folk group that has soaked up enough influences to make them more than interesting enough. With Oh Me Oh Mi though they have proved they are not just for bouncing up and down to in the English countryside, theirs a whole lot more to them. Myttin da! Welcome to the second ever supersized March edition of the Celtic Punkcast. You can listen to the March episode of The Celtic Punkcast at the link below.

With today being the feast of St. David of Cymru, the 5th for St. Patrick then we can safely say that March belongs to us. Good friend of the band Johnny Piper of brilliant fellow Celtic-Punkers Alternative Ulster popped along to their show a week or so ago to check out the competition and was suitably impressed. Well read on to see what our good man Marv thought of it. With a heritage like that, and not ever coming across them before, I was excited to review this album. I mean they are from Boston, am I right?! I have no idea why that is.

Perhaps I was tired or just feeling a bit odd, or perhaps it was because I was on the train on the way to work on a Monday morning. I love the punkier end of the folk punk spectrum and these guys have raw folk punk oozing out of their pores. I am very glad that I did. Directed and edited by the bands own Mike Rivkees. Disenfranchised kids who found a home in song. Music with a fist- we played it for so long. The sound is predominantly loud bass, overdriven electric guitars over manic drumming their drummer sure does love his crash cymbals!

This album just builds and builds. Because let me tell you, you soon forget about that downpour. This is no fiddle-de-dee music, there is no shoegazing or worthy whistle solos here. This is hardcore and filthy folk-based punk make no mistake. The absolute artistry of these tracks though, is how every now and then they drop the guitars out for a bar or two and let the melody carry the music to remind you of its glorious roots. After the magnificent onslaught, it is a welcome and jarring break just for a second or two, then they hook you back in and bludgeon you into submission.

Even after all the preceding mayhem it takes the music on this magnificent album to a new level with a banshee of a pipes riff. I learnt something today; more traditional Celtic folk punk, dare I say more melodic folk punk, with its mandolins, banjos, fiddles and tin whistles may be a joy, but there is a place deep in my heart for the fast, dirty, uncompromising and brutal tunes of Mickey Rickshaw and their like. I have re-listened to this album many times now and after a while I think I finally got it.

The Down and Dirty Dope Book, with Jim and melissa Gilliland of Shadow 6

No more did the first couple of track sound forced, the fault had always been entirely mine. They were just the first hesitant steps on a journey to a different destination. Today was a school day. Now in their 25th anniversary year Greenland Whalefishers have done as much as anyone has to keep The Pogues flame burning bright. With album and single releases now well into double figures, gigs and tours across most of the world and appearances in several major films they have slowly, but surely, built up a global fan base and all done off their own backs.

One of the most striking things about The Pogues career was that though they are primarily known as a Irish folk band they often throughout their days strayed into other music. Whether that was Folk, Irish, Punk, Jazz, Reggae, Tex-Mex, Country, Ska and more they still managed to keep that unmistakable Gaelic tinge to everything and it gave traditional music the shot in the arm it needed whether the folk snobs purists agreed or not they became irrelevant and introduced Irish folk to a worldwide audience.

Greenland Whalefishers have primarily been thought of as a band that sticks to The Pogues script pretty rigidly but here on Based On A True Story the true spirit of The Pogues is unleashed and the Whalefishers sound all the better for it! Arvid goes all Rude-Boy on us and we get as fine a slice of Celtic-Ska crossover since The Trojans here knocked us for six way back in A chance to not move away from Irish folk but to take it with them into new and strange lands.

Sounding, despite his strong Norwegian accent, scarily like Mr. MacGowan at times Arvid carries the song and indeed a lot of the songs here with his voice, just as that band I keep mentioning did with Shane. Again Agnes and her tin-whistle keeps the song on track. Forty minutes long and containing eleven tracks Based On A True Story has been released as limited edition vinyl with a free CD version of album inside the sleeve.

The Celtic-Punk scene has a lot of bands out there that sound like The Pogues. Formed well before the two pillars of Celtic-Punk Greenland Whalefishers look set to outlast both the Murphys and the Mollys and their never ending World tour continues! Most American artists we only get to know from their record releases but it seems T. Costello drops over this side of the broad Atlantic often enough for him to develop quite the following for his anarchic accordion Folk-Punk!


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During this time he also ventures across Europe and has always also found time to do a couple of shows for the London Celtic Punks, as well as spending the afternoon entertaining the auld folk residents at the Nursing home I work at! A visual tour de force its not many who can pull off a gig supporting punk bands or playing for the oldies but T. T he official release date for Horizon Songs was 28th December, but I am ignoring that and putting it down as a release. Originally penned by and for T. Played with gusto and for good reason this is a popular song among the punkier bands in the Celtic-Punk scene as it can be played at mph as T.

C gives full vent on the accordion and his vocal range is impressive as well. Farewell to your gangways and your gang planks, And to hell with your overtime. Thinking that was the end it came as a shock to find an, admittedly not too surprisingly, eccentric extra track hidden away at the end so be sure not to miss that…. Recorded in while T. All online sales of Horizon Songs will be donated to the non-profit organisation familiesbelongtogether. Admittedly like many in the Celtic-Punk scene T.

Thanks to Anto Morra for filming. What to do when a mate releases a new album? To stave off any allegations of nepotism ye rope in a guest reviewer to do it instead! Hanging out with a fellow multi-instrumentalist friend once, we came to the conclusion that we both played one or two instruments well, and were sloppy on about ten instruments. But how would sloppy mandolin and tin whistle fit into such a punk band? Most Celtic-Punk bands are full of ace musicians. Available to download at a knockdown price! The five-piece band features bagpipes, electric guitar, acoustic guitar, bouzouki, banjo, mandolin, tin- whistle, bass and drums, often with members doubling up on instruments.

None of them show great virtuosity on their instruments, but therein lies the point, and with their powers combined, they form one of the most punkiest acts in all of Celtic punk. Indiana Jones, Perhaps? Opening with a picked bass line that fits comfortably between Celtic and old-school punk, the song builds up with mandolin, bouzouki, tin whistle, electric guitar and, best-of-all, hellish screams. H-block escapee!

It opens with the line:. In addition to sing-along Pogues-like chorus and bluesy lyrics, it has a jaunty 3-chord instrumental breakdown that I found hard not to mosh to. All three of these rebel songs involve the characters dying at the end. Starting with a tin-whistle and banjo intro, it tells the story of a drunk helping an impoverished and badly injured beggar. The narrator gives him bread, clothes and whiskey they are a Celtic-Punk band after all. TC has just released his sixth album of his career and the self released Horizon Songs is certainly one of his best and judging by the crowd that night down The Lamb in Surbiton were selling like hot cakes!

So come join us again for that…. More than two decades later they are still going strong and have played just about every corner of the world. After the album release concert at home in Bergen, the band will play concerts in Germany, France and the Czech Republic. Full a full biography of the fascinating history of Greenland Whalefishers check here. World champion Pipers and Punk-Rock legends combine to play a concoction of Celtic infused Punk-Rock and Trad-Folk, but with melody, mirth and a message! One thing that is always levelled at the Celtic-Punk scene is that it is often inauthentic.

There are two kinds of people who make this allegation usually. The other kind is those that quite simply do not understand the Celtic diaspora. Many in Scotland and Ireland consider the children of those forced into exile as little more than a joke. I think this is mainly because we share the values and culture of those original exiled people and in modern day Ireland and Scotland this is seen as old fashioned and outdated. Even so it is always a blessing to discover a Celtic-Punk band from one of the various Celtic nations.

All bands that have embraced their local languages and cultures and have, sometimes against the will of many of those snobs purists, dragged it kicking and screaming into a new era. In Scotland that is exactly what Oi Polloi have done with the Scottish language. It is undeniable that in the Celtic nations our languages are in desperate trouble. The tidal wave of globalisation threatens the Celtic nations and the possible damage could be greater than the British and French ever did to them.

So it makes no sense for the Scottish language community to turn its back on a band that is helping promote the Scots language in a style never before attempted. A band that plays all over the world and sings and releases records in Scottish that is basically shunned by the people who are supposedly in place to help save it. Still they are getting through. From packed gigs in the Highlands of Scotland to having one of the best selling Scots language records of all time maybe the time has come for the Scottish nation to embrace Celtic-Punk and The Placks could be the band to make them do it!

The original idea being to release a four track CD to sell at the concert. All the elements that float my boat are here. Joyous uplifting music that sweeps you away but is just ramshackle enough without being too polished. A style of music that would be at home in either the pub or the stadium. Fiddle and accordion lead the way until the music speeds up and certainly gets the blood racing.

Great meaningful lyrics with a novel way of getting them across… and a great tune as well. It bodes well for this great bands next release which is an album out soon I am promised! It can be guaranteed that we will be hearing much more from this great band and the chances are that if you live in the States or Canada you may well have the pleasure of seeing them well before me!!

You can listen to the latest November episode of The Celtic Punkcast at the link below. We always knew that the London Celtic Punks readership had exquisite taste but it sure is nice to have it confirmed! We have the winner of the first ever London Celtic Punks Readers Pick and they are well deserving of the award. So there ends the final link to Now time to look forward to and we have already had a bunch of releases land on the doormat so stay tuned for the best in Celtic, Folk, Punk and much more. Having performed throughout Europe and the U. Recently having toured Italiy they went down a storm with their acoustic traditional folk played with passion and energy.

Recorded, of course, by both The Dubliners and The Pogues they even released a version of it together! The song dates from the 17th century though no one is actually sure when and who wrote it but a cracking way to kick things. Traditionally the song gets faster and faster as the song comes to the end and audience participation is a must here with its easy to remember chorus.

Whether your man ever did is debatable. Read a great interview with vocalist and banjo maestro Brendan on the 67 Music site here. Well it seems like only yesterday that I was sitting in Mannions in north London totting up the votes for the Best Album Of over a couple of pints and so here we are again. Feel free to comment, slag off or dissect our lists. As a bonus we figured out how to attach a poll at the end so you can even vote on your favourite release of yourself. So absolutely no surprises here at all.

In fact The Rumjacks have pretty much swept the board across the Celtic-Punk scene with what we even thought was their best release since their groundbreaking debut album Gangs Of New Holland. The Bhoys are going from strength to strength and are set to go through the roof in Other notables were Sir Reg who even flew over to London to premier their new album The Underdogs before later returning to embark on a successful nationwide tour… while I was on holiday! A dual release of an album and a EP on the same day is a novel approach but it paid dividends for Lexington Field as they were both brilliant.

Sinful Maggie have just been getting bigger and bigger all year and we expect this to continue into Fast and melodic skater style punk rock with bagpipes that will blow the cobwebs away off off anyone! This section was the easiest one to award by far! Besides them and our Aussie friends the list was made up from bands from the USA, Holland, Italy and Austria which goes to show the international nature of the scene.

As an aside you can get the brilliant bagpipe punk debut EP from Scotch for free by following the link to their review. Good on yer Mick. More local talent at 4 which ended a year where Man The Lifeboats have gone from first band on to headline shows and a mention for the amazing Finbar Furey who put a most excellent LP at the tender age of only We may be a wee bit biased here but last years winners take it again this year too. Plus you are not a major player in the Celtic-Punk scene unless you had your picture took with Elliot!

Be sure to subscribe. So there you go. We are not alone in doing these Best Of lists in fact all the major players in celtic-punk do them so click below to check out what they thought. Pick your own favourite below! The Poll will end on the final day of the month! Take Our Poll. Today we go to the north America and also fit in one of the best Celtic-Punk bands in the world from Asia.

Part 1 was releases from the Celtic nations here and Part 2 was Europe here so today dive in! Now veterans of the scene since their humble beginnings back in they have gone onto become huge at home mixing traditional Irish folk music with fast and furious punk rock in the same way as Flogging Molly. Another outstanding album and no surprise there! The sixth album from a band that is new to me but one I will be definitely checking out.

The band formed in Portland, Oregon in later moving to Los Angeles, living, so they say, in squats and abandoned buildings before spending four solid years on the road dragging their asses from town to town defining their sound. They certainly are a novel band with hardly two songs on The Trail sounding the same. The vocals and music here is gritty and hard and not for those of a gentle disposition. Cut from the same cloth as one of my favourite bands Phantom Of The Black Hills who we did a feature on recently here well worth checking out.

The little I have heard of Goddamn Gallows gives me the impression that this album is a mixture of the old sound of the band and the new heavier direction they seem to be travelling in. With some similarities to The Goddamn Gallows this is another release that is certainly not Celtic-Punk but interested me enough to give it a far few plays this year. This is The Goddamn Gallows with all their rough edges gone and a shave! The kind of song that is guaranteed to get you off your backside and jigging about. Cheerie up, the worst is yet to come Cheer up!

Cheerie up, you shall overcome Cheer up! Like this: Like Loading So about a quid a song! A talented songwriter and musician and with fans spanning genres from punk to trad folk it would be a shame if this record somehow fell into the mid way ground between them. Share this: Tweet. Alt Folk, Irish, Trad, Celtic. The Lucky Trolls are six friends who play fast Irish folk and punk and they have just released their debut EP. They celebrate five years together this year having formed in but it has taken several band members comings and goings for them to release this their debut EP and on this evidence we are eagerly await more to come.

The area was in the past a working class city being famous for its steel making but recent changes have seen it become more important in education with tens of thousands attending universities in the city. Later in the song fiddle and bagpipes pop up and those vocal harmonies… well where to start.

A cracking opening track that I fell in love with instantly. Another beauty. We have over the years written plenty on the interesting origins and various covers of this song and its popularity amongst Celtic-Punk bands is second to none. So rather than rake over the past you can type Dirty Old Town in the search bar on the left and read our thoughts yourselves. If you been concentrating then you will know the answer. Yes it is. Fast paced and clearly sung with Nathan accompanied with female vocals from fiddle player Anne-Sophie. Sadly only four tracks but what a fantastic twelve minutes that I cannot recommend enough.

It was r ecorded, mixed and mastered by Clinchon and Pompiflet who have done an brilliant job. Bands like The Lucky Trolls may be best heard live but on this EP they have successfully transferred that sound and their energy and passion comes across in every song. I dare say you would not be able to stay still watching them play and that is as big a compliment you can give in music. Celtic Football Club May 12, Comments: 3. Help and support is out there… Samaritans offer a hours a day, 7 days a week support service. Call them FREE on Call them free on Call 58 58 Support After Suicide Partnership offers practical and emotional support on their website for people bereaved and affected by suicide.

Stephen Gara. Firefighter McPadden Pipes and Drums. The Templars of Doom. Danny may not have been the first celtic-rapper see our article The Top Seven Celtic Hip-Hop Artists And Bands here but he is one of only a small handful waving the tricolour here in England! He has spent the intervening years performing among the thriving Manchester music scene being a regular in Hip-Hop circles and has collaborated with some of the biggest and best names in UK and Irish Hip-Hop.

Since Elevation Illustrations Danny has kept busy with a constant supply of recordings and videos made by himself and the ambitious plan to record this album which has taken a couple of years from beginning to end. Well plans change. This album is aptly titled Kings Corner, the street corner Bryan and his mates hung out on in their youth spending many a day and night.

We, the listener, can only guess. Interesting, alternative music played with a fiery passion by a son of Erin. But that is only half of it. The addition of mournful harmonica only adding to the sadness felt. Directed and edited by Bryan. Shot by Jason Stone and Bryan. Shot in plain and simple black and white Bryan takes us on a journey through the streets of his childhood and the ghosts of his hometown are not just the people but the city itself as gentrification has changed Boston making him a stranger and the communities that made Boston most famous have all but been dispersed to make way for the new order.

A sad tale but told by all urban working class communities across the world. His music is a very real journey through his own personal demons and is altogether mesmerising. As the fire consumes the building and he has to make the stark choice of how he will perish. A song that could be in poor taste is anything but in the hands of Bryan McPherson as he portrays some of what may go through your head in those shoes.

Their are also moments of beauty and clarity as this modern day folk-punk troubadour brings us on the journey with him. Once again Bryan manages to come up with something that is gritty and heartfelt as well as beautiful, passionate and inspiring. As we have said before it may not be a fun roller coaster ride but the words are as honest as they are urgent. Come on every second counts!

The Snug Sessions is the bands third release and first on their own record label Culvert Collective Recordings. The single marks a step forward in the bands development after their debut acoustic EP No Way In from and the follow up Still Outside from Autumn which saw the band nominated for best folk act on Radio Wigwam. So they have tasted local success but if a band really wants to proceed they have to try untested waters and now is a good time for bands like 5 Hills Out with some other notable bands taking folk and Celtic punk to the masses. But that was then and this is now.

Much of their grunge errs on the punkier side of it, the lyrics touch on themes common in punk and Celtic trad, and I defy you to find a better-paced album you can hear Distant Banging on the Bandcamp player below before you buy! NINA Fast forward to He scanned 75 years of New York Times newspapers, from to , and found only a handful.

All but one were aimed at women, approximately one per decade. Having been told of these signs by her grandfather as a child, she decided to investigate. With the help of her father and another history professor named Kerby Miller, she crafted a well written, well-cited rebuttal. Nonetheless, she was made famous for being the girl who debunked a mighty history professor. Several newspapers ran with the story before Irish Central wrote about it. After a day on the ladder, I would come home to my family, strap on the feed bag, and afterward head to the man cave for some research, and a couple of cold ones!

I have a NINA sign in the man cave. I got it on eBay for twelve bucks. An obvious reproduction but I found out later it was a fake. I needed a time frame to put in the parameters and was the first year the Globe was printed, so I was thinking of starting at the beginning when I noticed tiny print in the corner of the sign. Perfect, I thought. If there was a demand for these signs in , then certainly the newspapers would be full of NINA ads.

I entered and put in every keyword I could think of, help, wanted, No, Irish, man, woman, work, situation, apply, etc. I hit the button and…nothing. I took out a few words, nothing again. I finally narrowed it down to the word Irish, plenty of hits, but no discrimination. After a few nights of searching, I was thinking maybe the Prof was right.

I got bored and started reading articles in the paper, the daily news in turn of the century Boston when I spotted an article about the mayor of Boston. Nothing special about it, but the name sounded familiar. Curley would have never tolerated such discrimination, and probably would have torn down any sign himself personally. It hit me. The Irish were running Boston by , and it would be suicidal for a shopkeeper, factory owner, restaurant etc. I had to go back in time. It was when i hit the jackpot. Dozens and dozens of ads for men, women, boys and girls.

Suddenly I had about 60 examples on my desktop. The ads themselves were small. Most importantly, please note that this page is split into the classic game and its two expansions. Additionally, references to movies that are based on books might be listed under 'Literature' instead of 'Movies' and vice-versa, and the movie you are thinking of could just be referencing another work, too.

Those might be mentioned in the case of very popular ones, but it will be listed under the original reference. Future You whispers: Listen. I'm not supposed to tell you this, but there's going to be this party that you're invited to. Leesa Oh [ citation needed ]. I work full time, as does he. We have a fairly comfortable middle class life, but nobody sees what lies beneath. If only he was a monster, or neglectful of the girls, or he hit me. Then I could throw him out and it would make sense.

He's a good man. A loving father. A hard worker. But he's addicted to pain killers. Everything I make goes to my home and children, anything I can't force out of him goes to the dope man. He steals from me, and cries about it later. The stress and anxiety is killing me. The kids don't understand why I'm so "mean" to daddy. Daddy's the fun one. Daddy has no worries, because, unbeknowest to them, daddy has his pills. Only mom is full of fret and worry, constantly carrying the bank cards in her bra, even when she sleeps, or there will be no money for milk or school lunch until next pay day.

Nobody knows. No family, no friends to confide in. He's all smiles, not a care in the world. Such a nice guy. What a blessing he is to that sour faced woman of his, the one who often looks frumpy and haggard. Dear God, she should at least TRY to put up apperances. Her poor children.

The shame. I say it's to protect the little ones, their precious faith in their father. I'm full of fear. I'm just so damned tired, and nobody knows. Meg, You can't see it now but you're better off without him if he's not willing to change. Find an al-anon meeting near you. They have them online as well. Dear Meg, Today I think you've saved me. I too have been in a relationship with a man who to all appearances I should be grateful for.

But he's a crack addict. He's been only kind to me and my kids. Recently though he lost his job and all has changed. He took from me for the first time and gave it back a week later but he made it that it's no big deal. I realize now that things will only continue to get worse. My dream of a normal future isn't real.

He says he's going to get help and that he loves me. His actions say otherwise. I have to accept that he's not the right person in my life when I have so much going for me. I don't want to be years down the line with regrets. Thank you for sharing your pain. Meg and Myra I'm in the same boat as you except he never took money and still works everyday. He is so nice and is so good to me except he is addicted to crack.

I ended it a couple days ago and I'm sad. I just don't understand addiction. I know I'm better off, but letting go is going to be a challenge for me mentally because he's not only my boyfriend he became my best friend. I caught him six months ago and he begged for one more chance and here we are Ally and Meg, I wanted to see how you guys are doing.

My addict had started working a great job and promised things would change but it's the same. He uses regularly and never has money. He always chooses his drugs first and breaks plans constantly. I keep trying to end things but I keep going back because when I have him without his drugs he's my everything. I wish I was stronger.

I wish I could actually walk away and never look back. I wish I knew how. He uses regularly and never has money even though he gets paid well. Will you please contact me. I'm going through the same situation. I can completely empathize with you. It is exactly the same in my house. He is fun and it seems like I'm this bitter angry psycho. I've supported our family while he sort of worked off and on and went to school. He went to rehab. I held this family together. He relapses and is has been physically abusive and I'm not that kind of person.

I filed for divorce today after he lied about drinking and when he didn't like that I caught him in his lie he decided to disappear. It's cocaine although he will lie to the end. I'm done being tired and angry and living the roller coaster of things are good until again hits the fan. I'm struggling which is why I'm reading these blogs and forums, tomorrow I'll go to an al anon meeting. Day by day it'll be better. Can't let stuff like money, the mortgage, being a single mom of 3 kids hold me in a miserable life and marriage with this selfish man who is oblivious to his own destruction.

Good luck to you. Thank you for sharing. I am in the same type of situation. My fiance was on pills always lies we have 3 kids and i want her out. She is manipulative on drugs like all drug addicts. She tries to make me look like i am crazy when she is the one on drugs looking like a vegetable and unresponsive. In addition, she doesn't pay for any bills and lives in my house, she does work for herself and earns a decent living there is no reason why she can't pay bills other than the fact she is selfish and greedy. I am in the process of kicking her out of my house and keeping the kids!

Hi Meg- This sounds a lot like my situation, though I am more fortunate in that I do not have kids involved. However, I made the mistake of following this man to not one state, but two different states where all of his family was located and none of mine were nearby. The first state and 9 years were fine. The second one was a disaster. His family moved all around each other next door, behind us, one street over and are the most dysfunctional, dishonest bunch of "perfect" people you will ever meet in your life.

Like you, I am that uptight horrible woman, especially in the eyes of his judgmental and non-supportive family. He was a hard working man who owned his own business though he was facing some serious health issues. Years of hard work had left him with RA in his neck and a past injury from childhood made his back hurt constantly. Then we found out he needed heart surgery. It's alcohol, but really no different than pills.

It started after surgery with some crazy high dollar purchases when we no longer have the income to support it. Then over time, a man who could never sit still for two minutes began slacking off and sleeping all hours of the day. Knowing he would get in his car after he had drank was mind numbing and terrifying all at once. I was alone, had no family around and it was terrifying, so I begin to sink into the status quo of just getting through the day.

TraceElements/Interdimensional irivimafov.tk at master · prosecconetwork/TraceElements · GitHub

I work from home, so I get to witness the behaviors with a front row seat, nowhere to hide. My fear paralyzed me so even after a few talks and his empty promises, I would go back to my routine and ignore it. Fear of what I would do if I had to get in my car and start all over again just terrified me. I recently asked him again to do something, and he blew me off again. I was serious this time. So I went to stay with a friend about 50 miles away.

He was bothered by it, but thought I was just making a point and being dramatic. My friend told me I should not go back home. She was right. One week into the stay, he was still thinking it was just a power play from me. It's now 2 weeks later and I am safely back in my home state staying with one of my relatives until I figure out what to do. There are NO words for how terrified I am right now, as my financial status is really shaky and I may not be able to support myself. I am disoriented, displaced, heartbroken and panicked. The first few nights I woke up in a sweat terrified that I had just walked back into the house after 10 days with backup family of my own , grabbed some things, and left and here I am thousands of miles away.

My hope is that he will get better and that he sticks to the promises of going to AA this coming week. But if he doesn't, I am where I need to be with a new checking account opened for my paycheck to go into and as hard as it will be, I will move on. Keep in mind, I am less than 1 week into leaving the house with my belongings physically. But when I go to sleep at night, I remind myself that I can't fix it for him and I can't stay in the environment he has created for us there.

I hope we have reconciliation, but I am aware of the odds stacked against that. I have been married for nearly 20 years. It's difficult to walk away from the known into the unknown and it is still very difficult as I deal with him and he promises he is making changes. But let me know how you are doing. I hope you left. Marcie, Your story gives me so much hope. Hope your doing okay. How are thibgs going now?? I'm married to a heroine addict and my life is falling apart. We have been married 4yrs tomorrow is out anniversary; and I've been dealing with him like this for almost three years now.

We don't have kids but both wanted them at one point. I still do but I can't bring children into this world while he's like this. He's been in rehab once last year and relapsed within days of being released. Has been in many outpatient programs and has failed. Now he's on methadone and still uses. It scares me to think about how deadly his addiction is.

He has been living at his moms on and off for 8months now. We've been going back and forth trying to make this marriage work but it's so hard to focus on us when he can't even get himself right. Hes suppose to back to another inpatient rehab this Friday and I'm scared that this wont be enough. I don't want to give up but I fear that only 28days isnt enough. He doesn't even go to groups when he's here. He's lost his job, recked his car,He's stolen from me, pawned out tv, pawned our computer, and the worst thing is he even took my wedding ring from my jewelry box and pawned it.

It's so humiliating to even write that. How could I even take him back after that??? I'm holding onto hope holding onto the person I married and fell in love with. I almost feel like it's my duty to stay to be here for him " through sickness and in health" but at some point I know I need to put myself first. It was a symbol of our love. Now I feel it's just a piece of jewelry when I wear it. It's hard to wear t with pride like I used too. It's like it has lost all of its meaning. He begs me to stay and not to leave him at the worst time in his life and swears he will change but can't do it without me.

I try and stay strong and keep distance do be can focus on himself then I'm being accused of cheating and being a whore when I never even go out. He says "watch I'll get better and be better then you will ever be" he said I will regret leaving him. Well said he did but actions show different. He says I'm never there for him when I ha dbeen here all these years by his side and never left him and always helped any way I could. But now I'm no longer a cruch I love him still so incredibly much and want us back and him to get better.

I pray and try to turn it over to God. I pray for anwsers and I'll pray for all the strong men and women out there going through this, loving their addict spouse. Thanks for Listening. My husband doesnt work anymore though so anytime i slip in hiding money he takes it from me. I am very ashamed of the situation. I just want out and i have no support or no idea how to do it. I am in such a similar situation. We have been together 4 years, have a daughter together and I'm pregnant with a boy.

He's a great dad, and goes through periods of sobriety. He tries to fight but always ends up right back here.

Note on “A Transrealist Manifesto”

And I've become this mirco managing control freak. From the outside looking in he's great and I'm intense. I finally broke down about a year ago when I took him to rehab and told my mom, and today after I found out I told his family. I can't be the one who holds it in quietly and cleans up his mess to keep up afloat. I think I may of hit my breaking point. But then I remember Should I stand by him or finally throw in the towel? My poor daughters have seen and heard more abuse due to my husband wanting more money for crack than any one person should ever see. Before I became pregnant with my son I was ready to leave, then I found out I was pregnant and stayed in hopes a son would change him.

Now my son is only 9 months old and I stay at home with him due to lack of funds for daycare. Which also mean less money for bills, but that doesn't stop my husband from using more and more. I have been barrowing money from my mom just to survive. The last 9 months have been horrible as far as my husband getting worse with his crack use and wasting all of our money.

I just don't want to teach my children that this is a life that's ok to live. I want to kick him out because even though I love him, he has to want to change but honestly after 9years and three kids I don't see it changing. All I do now is worry about money, cry and be depressed. I am scared to leave because I have no job and I see him just smoking his crack with his pay check and not helping with our kids. I don't even know how to tell him to leave, the crack makes him mean even the day after and he already thinks in his crazy mind that I would leave him for another man.

I just want to be normal or something like it and happy! This sounds so similar to my relationship with a pill addict and I am currently struggling with the decision to leave or stay. Everyone always gives me a hard time for being so tough on him but no one knows I've lost all of my life savings paying off his credit card and drug dealer debt. When he comes crying to me that they are calling him at his job and threatening him I am forced to either not help him and live with the guilt of something happening to him, or helping him and then hating him for putting me in this situation.

It's hard to consider leaving when you know how great of a person they are when they're sober, but those days are few and far between lately. I know I need to leave but that is easier said than done, the thought of losing my best friend literally makes my heart hurt, and I'm terrified if i leave that he will die and I will never forgive myself. Amanda- I used to think the same thing He's plotting the next argument so he can disappear and get drunk. He's telling people how controlling I am or how miserable he is. The only times our relationship worked, and I mean that loosely, is when he was in prison or the county jail.

These people forget that we're the only ones who care about them, yet they slowly poison us with their disease. They forget that their own father and brothers will not be there for him when he hits bottom. After 4 years of his crap I filed for divorce and my house has no evidence he ever lived here. I plan on never speaking to him, never texting, and only laying eyes on him if I have to in court.

I don't feel one bit of guilt because he made the choices he did knowing full well that it would lead to the end of our marriage. There comes a time when you have to put yourself first, and his "terrible disease" does have a cure, but its one that nobody but he can administer. I wish you well. Very similar. My husband finally admitted today that he's been addicted to pain pills for at least years. We have a 15 month old and he is an amazing father. Her cooks, cleans and does all the laundry.

He told me to quit my job and I could stay home. I did and the bills were mounting and the money disappearing. I went back to work even though he tile me I didn't need to and he lost his job the week I started. I can't believe I was so blind to this for years. I called him out and brought it up and he always had an excuse for where the money went. I was already talking to him about how I fell out of love with him. We never have sex anymore and I've been wanting to stay even Though I haven't.

I'm not sure if I've fallen out of love with him or it's out of love with the man he's become after pain killers for the past five years. Do I stay and support the father of my baby and man I used to love or do I take care of me and leave? Can I fall back in love if he gets clean? I'm going to.

I just have to. I found out about my husbands 5 year pill addiction just 5 months ago. I kicked him out, but then I got a dui because I was caught up in meeting friends out for drinks, which I'm not normally a drinker Huge mistake. I'm a fool for having him back and ever believing a word he said! From all I read it never, ever changes!! I won't live this way forever! I will find a way out and I think we all should to save ourselves and our sanity! Sleeping with money in my bra, too. And my purse wrapped around my leg. Exhausted in fact. Becoming more anxious by the day He confessed to his pill addiction just 5 months ago after he hid it for 5 years.

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He's been alternating between treating me like shit and crying about how he wants to work things out since I told him I didn't want to be married 8 months ago. We have been married 14 years and have 3 kids, 15,12, and 5. I'm running on a hamster wheel and wish I could find a way to make it stop.

The only way is going to be to jump. He makes good money, but somehow we are in bankruptcy and always broke. I handle everything and he gets all the fun with the kids. I've lost the ability to smile or be normal when he is around. It's in my face all day every day and I can't be my happy self for my kids when he is around. I'm gonna get out of this one way or another. I'm gonna lose everything. I'm already financially ruined by his hands. Even if he makes the effort now to get off pills I'm already gone.

Oh Sweet Meg, I am right there with you. Every word you spoke sounds like i would have written it I am a mom of two beautiful boys, I work full time and am finishing my last four months of my nursing degree and I am suffering ungodly. Every responsibility, every bill, everything comes from me and my children are so thankful and happy and somedays I want to scream and cry and tell them but I cannot for the fact that they are such beautiful souls and purely innocent Their father is one Ive wanted to run from for a long time now The good days remind me of who he was when i met him and make me believe there is hope until the next day The bad far outweighs any good.

I just want my family We have a beautiful home, 2 awesome kids. My husband is a great dad, very attentive and loving to me and very active in community, kids sports, etc. We have been married for 17 years. He has secretly stole money from myself, my kids birthday money, etc.


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  • In addition, I had a surgery and I myself had pain medication for after surgery. I had to physically keep the medication on my at all times in order for him to not steal it. The lies, addiction literally shatters my heart. Just so lost.. Beyond the fear He left today. I knew it before I left for work, he would hit the door with money in his pocket, and he wouldn't be able to fight the ghost. He had already confided in me that he hadn't been taking his pills for depression and anxiety, a core component of his recovery process.

    He had said that his mind was racing with thoughts, crazy thoughts. He was one month sober. Before then, 1 day shy of 3 months. And, before that, 2 days shy of 6months. For me, it is as simple as following the recovery plan without faltering. For me, I have remained faithful for one year to him despite relapses. A recovering sex addict who gave it a shot with a man with a Crack addiction for the sake of our newborn child.

    I stuck to my recovery- why couldn't he? Even when I knew it was a codependency in the making, I kept moving forward, believing that each relapse would get easier. No one in my family knows. His family knows and just prays he will get better.

    The Black Matilda

    For me, I've told a fiction to friends, family, work. No counseling. No confiding even in my priest. Today, after a peaceful night of sleep, there is no anger anymore. I found this article randomly. I smile because I needed just that-to acknowledge the fear underlying it all. I just know I can love myself. I just know that this is it. It makes it easier to know I did everything he would allow me to do to support his recovery. I can walk away knowing that I love him and that I love myself more.

    I can pack his things and take them to his parents and say I did my best without shame, explanation or anyone saying "give him another shoot". I am and will walk with no fear. Fear has no place in my life anymore. You are so right. It is the fear. Fear is behind every reason I've stayed. I fear he will get better and I won't have a sober him.

    I fear being alone. Every reason I'm the world tells me that it must end. Why can't we love ourselves enough to stay away. I'm having a hard time forgetting the good times. He doesn't see what the pills have done to him. I'm afraid of being alone, your comment on fear is so true. I have done like you have I have not been able to let go emotionally. I have been unable to free myself and LONG for him to be well, and come back to me. I even moved out of Alaska and live in Oregon.

    I've been gone for 2 years. The first year he came to visit 3 times for a week at a time and said we were working things out but I found out he was seeing someone else, in Alaska, the whole time.. How are you able to let go. I'm so proud of you and envious! I want to let go. I have in the past. She is a heroin addict. We don't have children, and are not married, but I find it difficult to stay away.

    I left once, for a couple month, then came back for a month. Then we were separated for a year. She went to jail, and I didn't contact her at all. Unfortunately, I assumed when she got out of jail, she would be clean. To some extent, she was. I contacted her shortly after she was released. She looked beautiful, confident, and healthy, for the first couple months. Then the familiar behaviors started to appear. And within 6 months of being released from jail, new scars were showing, she lost a lot weight, lost her job, and the lies and manipulations were as common as ever. So, I left again, telling her that I couldn't deal with knowing that she will die from this.

    She got angry, and called me the worse names I could think of. After all of that, I was the one with shame. I felt like a horrible person. I turned my back on her, and I failed her. Eventually, guilt, shame, and jealousy got the best of me, and I contacted her again last week, only to be thrusted back into her addiction. Now, I will leave her again. I know there is nothing I can do. I hope I can trust, and forgive myself, so that I may stay away. I love her, but I can't change her. I accept that. I just need to work on standing up to the thoughts that I abandoned her.

    I left my husband and came back after months too. Then we got back together and I left him and he went to another state to see his ex. I haven't tried to make contact in 10 months. So I look for humans find out he's been in jail for the last 10 months. Now I yearn to talk to him because he is clean and I want to so bad.. So I haven't wrote him. What should I do? I know exactly how you feel You don't want to fail them It's a paradox But you stay strong I'm trying to stay strong My girl friend has an amazing heart But when shes,coming down she's a monster They are,selfish and don't see it master manipulators The truth is you and I deserve better.

    I understand and sitting here right now counting the days and moments of the disappearing and still turned my back I can't afford to be brought down anymore shame and guilt for not being appealing enough to change I say that there are times when the love is an illusion it was never real And what we created.

    In our minds was not the person who stands in front of you with drugs pouring out of there system.

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